Goodbye house

The past month has been hard, and horrible. The latest in a string of four very long months

This is the house I bought for Mom.  It's the house I worked hard to make lovely for her. It's the house I failed her in. It's the house she died in.

Dad and I discussed when I started my PhD program that selling the house if we could not get solid renters in downstairs was Plan B. After the debacle of renters who seemed good on paper and then did not pay rent for two months and had to be evicted, the house went on the market at the end of December. January and February and March saw me making mortgage payments, watching savings dip lower and lower, and no bites on offers. It also saw me dropping the price, to no avail.

Finally got an offer on the house at the end of March. Then began the panic- had to pack Dad, find him a new place, get him moved. Did not have a signed lease on the new place until Friday. Dad cannot move into the new place until this upcoming Saturday so he's staying at a friend's.

Moving day was yesterday. Sort of. It took four hours to move all of us into the house four years ago. Yesterday, they were there for seven hours, still did not finish (because Dad did not finished packing) and they're coming back tomorrow to finish. Dad keeps telling me it's fine. He refused all offers of help, and sorry myth of Southern neighbors pitching in- no one came to help despite repeated pleas. I'm trying not to think about how much more expensive this move suddenly got. Movers are holding everything in a trailer until they can move him into the new place. Cats are boarded at vet to avoid multiple moving traumas with schizoid cats.

To complicate all of this, buyer is being weird. When they made the offer, they had a super long due diligence period, and a closing of the 30th (their specific dates). Hence the rush. But now they're dragging their feet, and will not make 30th closing date. So that's all apparently in limbo.

Dad actually found a place where we used to live, so back to the beginning. There's a cyclical logic to that. But I am not there to make sure this all gets done. I am 2000 miles away. I'm not there to say goodbye to the house. I am not there to say goodbye to Mom's memory, the last place I knew her. The new place will be Dad's, and I will not have a connection to it.

I've been so focused on checking things off my list and getting things done that I have not taken any time to focus on the emotional impact of all of this. This is Mom's house. It's the house where Nehi grew up.

Dad keeps telling me it's all fine. But it's not. But there's nothing I can do from so far away.

I will feel better once he's in next week and settled, and then it's just the house sale I need to focus on. Oh, and end of semester papers, exams, and grading. Because you know- PhD program.

I feel guilty Dad had to move, that I could not afford to keep the house. I feel bad that I'm not there to help. I all around feel shitty. But there's not a whole lot I can do about any of this.