News and Thank Yous

I was not going to write this post.
I was not going to tell people.

Because I have been here before.
A little over a year ago I asked people for defense advice. I asked for recommendations about committee gifts.

I went with cute little mugs for each area.
With the dissertation hashtag of course.

I got thank you cards made.

I prepped my presentation. I got advice.
I went and got the university's graduation photos made. With Nehi. They were adorable.

Then my world crashed down.
So to say I'm a bit gun shy this time around is an understatement. At first, I only told my best friend, Dion, who is flying out. I am not putting flyers up in my department. If Dion and my two face to face committee members are the only ones who come, I am fine with that.

But we're now at 11 days and counting. It's real. So far my entire committee is on board. This is real. It is happening. I have a super supportive director.

So- I have a defense date.
I've announced it.
I've filed my paperwork.
I have proposed questions the committee might ask, and even better, I have answers!
I have an outline for my talk.
I've printed out the final draft, got it bound, and started to reread it.
I am horrified at typos that made it this far.

So far, fairly normal defense prep.

I don't know what will happen on 20 October at 2p.
I hope a normal defense. I am excited about talking about my dissertation. I want to be excited. I want to celebrate all the hard work I've done, how far I've come. But I find I am waffling between excitement and not trusting the process.

So I've not told people. I've been scared. I've not shared this.

But today, I decided, I will not be robbed of this.
I have busted my ASS to get here. I have written not one, but two, dissertations. I have learned a ridiculous amount. I have cried, and suffered, and gotten through.

I will be excited to see what comes next.
So to all of you who have helped, encouraged, and followed the entire #DevilDiss process these last four years, thank you.